Wednesday, December 28, 2016

Chapter 12 - 2016

In few more days, we'll be entering into 2017.

Are you ready?

So many things going on lately,at this very end of 2016.  Phew.

Let's just embrace these remaining days of 2016. Thank you Lord.

Tuesday, November 29, 2016

The Unexpected

"Expect the unexpected"

"The moment we stop worrying and looking,is usually the very moment when it happens"

I bet we heard these saying thousand times before.
But,has it really happened to you?

Well,I did. Recently.

Totally unexpected -event,timing,moments and most importantly,the person.

Up to this point,I'm still wondering,feeling amazed and full of curiosity because I seriously,didn't expect it.

Thank you,Lord.Your plan is indeed wonderful.


Sunday, October 9, 2016

Listen carefully


It's normal to share our thoughts, feelings or even anything to someone - family, best friends, partner.

Ask yourself, when we share these things to our loved ones, what do we actually want from them, in return?

Say for example, you were having a bad day at work and it makes you feel so frustrated. You came home that night and told your partner about it. How do you expect your partner responds to it?

Do you want them to say, "Relax-lah. Everything will soon pass"   or  " See, I told you. You shouldn't have ...... " or maybe just sit there, listening, waiting for you to express everything out.

Which one would it be ?

I bet most of the answer would be, depending on the situation. Right?  Well, yes. It all depends on the situations.

For me, I would really hope that those I shared my story with, will responds me positively. Perhaps, a pat on my back or at least, just sit there and listen to me. But recently,  whenever I tried to share my stories, I somehow got negative responds. And honestly, it hurts.

So now, I try to keep everything to myself. Not because I'm being selfish or what not, but I'm trying to avoid the not-so-good response. It's more like a heart protection, I guess?

I called it sleeping-heart.

Saturday, September 24, 2016

Happy Birthday Self!

Officially 27 today. Happy Birthday dear self!

Days before today, I had a lot in my mind, something to share here in my inside story. Now that the day has come, it all gone missing.

I was planning to share what happen last year on this exact same  day but unfortunately, I couldn't come out with the best words to express it.

In short, sometimes, the best gifts that you can give someone is your presence. 

Thank you dear Lord, for all this wonderful blessings in my life. Forgive me, that at times, I tend to be ungrateful.

Being 27 today, I felt the difference. Previous years, I am always looking forward to this date. But this year, it's just a typical day for me. I no longer want a great birthday gift but to be able to eat a slice of cake would be more than enough. Haha! Well, to be accurate, I no longer focus on the material kind of gift but more like your attention and time for me.

Still, I'm grateful for today. Amen. :)

Thursday, September 1, 2016

September Adventure

It's September . Thank you, Lord.

Again, for this year, we'll be able to see some of the famous September's FB status. Just like I've mentioned in my 2015's September.

These were among my FB status in the past years. Haha. Not this year then.

Aside from May, September is also one of my favourite month of the year. Well,it's my birthday (around the corner) and more events + activities for the  coming weekend.

I guess, September has always been a productive month for me. It makes me look like I'm a busy women. Phew.

But still, I can't wait for this September's adventure to begin.

Bring it on !

Wednesday, August 31, 2016

Being OT#6

Tag with my name on it- nice!

Being a clinician, one need to always be up- to-date with the current info related to one's profession - as this would enable us to give the best treatment to our clients.

I guess, I'm more than blessed being part of JMC. This is because, this is my second year consecutively being sponsored to attend workshop/ training related to OT.

Thank you, JMC!

So, for this year, I attended the Pediatric Neurology Update 2016 held at QEH 1. This course were attended by Doctors, Therapist, Nurses and I think other professionals as well. Thus, I could see some familiar faces and yes, getting to know more OTs. 

Personally, this was among the best course I've attended so far. Mainly because I didn't fall asleep during the whole lectures? Haha. Not the main reason. But, yes, I was not asleep during the course as I was all ears to the lectures/topic being presented.

All the topics were actually very interesting and being an OT, it is a must know information - this applies especially to the common issues that  these special kids face. Here, you can really see how important OT roles is. For once, I am so happy that OT is well known here.

Overall, for the 3 days course, I can conclude that parents play a major and important roles in making these special kid's life better. Not that the therapist is not functioning at all, but therapist do helps in paving the way for parents so that they would be able to help their child more. So, it's a two way interactions; parents and therapist and not forgetting the child himself.

For me,  this course stimulated my interest working with special kids. I used to work with them and yes, I do miss it. But here in JMC, it is a bit difficult to deal with this cases given the department setting is not really appropriate. I did accept one case and during the session, I concerned more about the child safety rather than the therapy session.

Few of the therapist I met during the course were actually trying to motivate me to do more peads cases, to be more proactive. Honestly, I was scared. I know that they were trying to help me but somehow I feel lost and not sure where to start. Maybe, it's time to get out of my comfort zone, is it?

#Fingers-crossed. Looking forward to attend more training.


Sunday, August 21, 2016


Being a confident women,

.....knows that she is loved, refuses to live in fear, is positive, recovers from setbacks, avoid comparison, takes action, does not live in "if only" and "what if"......

That was one of my new year's resolution back in 2014. Well, it is still an on-going process; as there were moments I felt like so far behind,outcast, insecure,alone.

With the recent event that was happening in my life, being confident is like an 'on-off' button for me. Most of the time, it's an off button but I managed to hide it away from the world. It is when I'm alone with myself that I started to fall apart.

It is indeed a rough journey, aite?

But, thankfully, God is always by my side. I can always lean on Him. The important lesson that I learnt from this event is that to always have faith in God, no matter how bad the situation looks like.

Saturday, August 6, 2016

This is me.

This is me. :)

This is me. Well, I saw this post on Facebook last month and feel like, "Eh, macam saya tau."
Since I've been away from blogging for too long already,  I"ll start with this then .

I fear failure

I bet most of us are in the same boat, right? I have plans and I wanted to do a lot of things but yes, deep down, I am afraid that I won't be able to do it. Thus, leaving me somehow stuck in my own comfort zone; when I know that I can go far than this.

I love being home alone

During my uni years, I stayed in a single room for 6 semesters. So, I'm used to being alone and doing things on my own. There were times that I do feel scared being alone especially  during the short semester break (everybody went back home and left me alone in that floor) but I managed to get through it. As for now, there are still times that I stayed alone. Frankly speaking, I love it. This is because I have the freedom to do anything that I want to.

I want to get away

Yeah. I found my new interest. I want to get away from my usual routine at least once a year, to really see, explore things and to re-energized myself. My next get away would be this October. Looking forward. :)

I am always hungry

Haha. My favorite statement. I love food although at the same time, I'm worried about the figure on the scale.

I'm hard to understand

At times. I noticed that I tend to keep things only to myself. On purpose, sometimes.

I love surprise

I believe that it's within the nature, that we, women love surprises. Who doesn't, right? Especially on special occasion, like birthday. But, so far, I haven't received any that makes me go "Wow!" although I've always been a part of doing surprises for other people.

I love beaches

I love sitting and just stare blankly at the beaches. It makes me feel calm just by listening to the sound of it and experiencing the sea breeze. It helps clear my mind.

I have big dream

Indeed. I want to turn my hobby into business, I want to build a family, I want to be better than who I am today and the list goes on.

I talk to myself

Classic. I've been doing this since I was a kid. Not the monologue kind of type but really talk to myself as if I am having conversation with someone. Sound creepy. Haha

Sunday, July 17, 2016

Ex's & Oh's

I've been through both ways; desperately in need to talk to the ex and hoping that the ex would never talk to me anymore.

My first time break up experience was not a good one. It took me about 4 years to finally move on. Probably because he was my first love (euww. hee). I've felt lonely, miserable, on and off for that 4 years. At one time, I thought that I was doing fine, but the moment I heard something related to him, I'm falling apart. 

That 4 years, I still talk to him, my ex. Not exactly everyday but still checking up on him. And, on that time, I still had this tiny hopes in me that someday we'd find our way back together or perhaps he would regret his act of taking me for granted. Hahaha.

I talked to him when I missed him a lot, I talked to him when I felt lonely, I talked to him even though he's with someone new on that time, I talked to him feeling that he was the one for me, and that I would never be able to love again. (Seriously, is this me? Haha)

Time passed and I've moved on; then only I can think and reflect on my actions. Yup, you should stop talking to your ex. It's over and as hard as it will be, you need to stop any connection with your ex, especially the first few months of post break up. You will only hurt yourself more.

The next break up experience, it was the other way round. I'm not talking to my ex at all, but I'm hoping that he would never talk to me. Yes, I know it sounded harsh but it's for the best. I will never be able to talk/ treat  him the same way that I used to be, so talking to me after the break up would only hurt him more. 

Don't talk to me when you missed me, don't talk to me when you feel lonely, don't talk to me when I've moved on, don't talk to me just because you feel like I'm the one for you and that you will never be able to love again.

I've moved one. This second break up experience was way different than the first one. I'm making space for my own self.

Things happen for reasons. Don't let your emotions clouding your judgement.

Sunday, June 12, 2016

20 cent #2

"The Lord does not look at the things people look at. People look at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart"

1 Samuel 16:7

One of my weekly commitment is to be part of the teaching team for the church  Sunday class; also known as PMG - Pertemuan Minggu Gembira.  I am teaching the Form 1 class, newly teenager. So, I guess, I really have to be careful with  the words  that I use or else I could be misleading them.Right?

So, today's lesson is about judging others through their outward appearance. Obviously, the objective of this lesson is to teach these youngsters not to judge others but to look at their hearts.

Surely, as a so-called-teacher, I stressed on the must  of not judging others, not to look  at the outwards experience and so on. But, deep down inside, it felt so wrong for me to say or explain these things to them. Why? Because I myself always end up judging others too.

When I was around their age, I have this one friend in my class. She is smart, hardworking and would always rank among the top 20 students (Well, back in my school last time, we don't really use the class ranking, instead we use the whole tingkatan. So, if you are among the top 20, you're considered among the best.Phew!)

When I think back again, she is actually a very nice person, would always help you with the homework and stuff. But, I really don't know what was wrong with us on that time (me and my friends), we would always tease her or talk bad things about her behind her back. 

We have this prep time at school, to study or to get your homework done. Well, for me, I rarely able to fully concentrate on studying for those 2 hours. Mostly, I would end up sleeping. This friend that I mentioned earlier, would make full use of those prep time with academic thing.

So, one day, out of the ordinary, she fell asleep. The whole class was kinda amazed actually. Another friend, who sat next to her, wake her up and ask her, " Ko tidur ka?" and she hurriedly replied, "Tidaklah, saya sedang bepikir ba tu". Haha. It was very obvious that she fell asleep but she denied it. That, added a point to our topic about her.

Long story short, on our final days before the school ends, I remembered she say something like this, "Saya tahu ada orang yang suka cakap-cakap pasal saya, tapi tidak apa. Saya kasi maaf juga". Well, more or less like that. That is deep. So, all this while,  I mean on that time, she knew who has been talking behind her back but still she treated them nicely, including me.

I learnt my lessons. We went our separate ways but we still friends on Facebook, and yeah, she invited me to her wedding few years ago.

Lord has never choose us based on our looks. No matter how short or fat you are, or you are having a bad hair day or maybe a mid life crisis stage, but if your heart stay faithful unto the Lord, He would still see that.

Help me Lord, to not judge others but to treat them with Your love unconditionally. Amen.

Well, becoming a PMG teacher is not a bad thing at all. It actually teaches me to be closer to God.
Praise the Lord, Halleluya!

Saturday, May 21, 2016

Not so Merry-May

May is among my favorite month of the year. It's a month with many things to celebrate and of course, public holidays. Hehe,

But, for this year, May started off with some not so good events. Hearing the news of losing their loved ones within my social circle and mainly because my personal relationship issue.

With these train of events happening in my life now, I am feeling down, and really hoping that I could take a break from all of this even for a short time. Unfortunately, I have nowhere to go and I can't.

One thing that I do realize for sure is I tend to eat more food, and it's a non-stop eating session especially when I'm home for the weekend. So, it's like - feeling stress, eat a lot. Eat a lot, gain weight, more stress. Perfect!

*Deep breathing*

Well, I always believe that everything happens for a reason. I may not see the reasons yet but I never want to stop holding onto God. For He knows the best plans for my life. So, I will wait patiently for this storm to pass and soon, enjoy the sunlight.


Keeping my faith to God.

Wednesday, April 20, 2016

Falling vs Staying

Falling in love is not a choice. To stay in love is.

Falling in love is not a choice. When you really fall for someone, there is no turning back. It's like magic,to be able to feel the most indescribable happiness and yet,heart pain.

Whereas, staying in love is a choice. When you face temptations or life circumstances that makes you doubt the love that you once felt, that is where you need to decide whether to stay or not.

I am in the stage where I need to make my decision ; to stay or to walk away. Surely, it is not easy. At one time, the decision of walking away is so strong, that I feel like I'm prepared to go through the break up process. Other time, I'm afraid that I may regret the decision I make just because of my temporary feeling.


Falling in love is easy. Staying in love is not.

Sunday, April 10, 2016

20 cent #1

" Going to church doesn't make you a good person and people covered with tattoo on his body doesn't make him a bad person."

Exactly. Going to church regularly doesn't mean that you are good and just because those people with tattoos doesn't mean that they are bad. By all means, just don't simply judge a book by its cover.

And then, there's also this one kind of scenario - "Nama saja pigi sambayang tiap minggu, tapi kalau begosip, nda ingat dunia suda". 
[ Translation: Go to church every week but still talks bad behind people.  * more or less like that*]

My post is surely not to condemn those church-goers nor arguing their faith to God. This is just my 20 cents.

I am a church-goer myself; and yes, I gossip about people behind their back. The ugly truth is, I know it's wrong and  I've sinned but from time to time, I end up doing the very same thing. I am fully aware my actions contradict with what the Lord teaches us, that at times, I feel like I'm not worthy to accept Him in my life.

In church community itself, we see people with a lot of different characters and some, annoys you to death just by looking at them. Literally speaking.

But still,  for me, going to church is one of the thing that I look forward to every week.


There's this saying that if you do things repeatedly, it becomes  a habit and part of your routine. For me, going to church is not my habit nor my routine.

I feel a sense of joy going to the church. I feel secured, satisfied and blessed to be able to celebrate the mass. In times when everything seem to fall apart, going to church and pray gives me the healing and courage to get back on my feet.

Thus, don't let others judgement shaken your faith of going to the church and pray but above all, bear in mind, that church is no place displaying perfect people.

Tuesday, March 22, 2016

Holy Week

We've entered the Holy Week. Lent season is almost to its end.

Mixed feeling for me. For this Lent, aside from abstaining self from meat every Friday, I set myself to half-give up on Facebook.

Half-give up as  in, checking on Facebook lesser than I used to for this Lent. I did it in the early weeks but coming to the end, it is indeed hard. Temptations.

May this Holy Week enable me to fully feel the sacrifices that Lord Jesus has made and be rejoice!

Wednesday, March 9, 2016

Praying harder

"Jadi, ko putus asa suda?"

A one-month-ago question that  actually still lingers on my mind.

Back then, I answered - "Saya nda tau. Nda sure".

Well, to think back again - I still don't know. Sometimes, I wonder, I may have actually give it up as I have started to just not care what will happen anymore. Let it be.

On a different note, it makes me wonder again. Are all the things that I've been doing right now is actually a sign of me, letting God taking over my life?

I wonder.

Pray harder.

Wednesday, March 2, 2016

March-ing in!

It feels like I just had my New Year celebration yesterday and here I am now - saying hello to March, 2016.

That was fast. Hmm.


Monday, February 29, 2016

Leap Year Proposal

According to an old Irish legend, or possibly history,  St Brigid struck a deal with St Patrick to allow women to propose - and not just the other way around - every four years.

Thanks to my foreigner colleague, he's the one telling me about this. In fact, all of us, the whole department.

Quite an interesting fact, right?

It was all started when this foreigner colleague of mine suddenly asking me whether  I'm going to propose my boyfie on this date. I was like, " Why, suddenly?". And ya, all the other department mate also went blur.

Then only my foreigner colleague realize that we had no clue at all - to what he's talking about. He started explaining and we end up google-ing it, just to find out that the tradition actually do exist.

My colleague was asking me that question earlier as because I am the prefect candidate to do it; given my age and that I'm in a relationship now.

Well, my answer is no - nope. I will not do it or even bring up the topic to my boyfie anymore. Not because woman are not suppose to propose or that is a guy task but for obvious reason, and yet a very personal one.

From this point ahead, you may think that I am indeed a selfish person, who only thinks of herself.

But, I have my reasons.

Guide me o Lord. Help me that I may find light in this dark feeling that I am experiencing now. Amen.

I pray for a stronger faith, Lord. To have faith in your timing.

Monday, February 22, 2016

Me and my haircut

Like,seriously? I wonder.

Hair is considered as one of woman's most treasured part in her image. Some women prefer to keep it long and some, simply short.

For some, when they have kept the long hair for quite sometime, to have it intervene, a woman would end up a month of thinking. 

Been there,done that. When I was in uni, I prefer to keep my hair long. Looks so sweet and girlish. Haha. I seldom go for hair saloon when I was there as I bet it will be expensive. Plus, I was afraid that I will not like the new hairstyle.

So, when I finished my study, I felt like the time has come for me to cut my hair short; marking the beginning of being a jobless person. Hehe. Well, I'm about to change my life,right? A transition from a student into a career women.

Since then, I've kept my hair short until 2014.  My brother is going to get married the following year, so I figured long hair would be super duper nice with a peach colored dress.Hahaha

Now, I'm back to simply short. I got another haircut right after my retreat. Am I about to change my life? I bet.For a better me and stronger Faith.


Tuesday, February 9, 2016

Renewed Faith

Currently, going through this.

I was having my personal issue since last year. I've been trying to find the solutions up until one time, I decided that I need to go to for a break, a retreat. To think back about it, it was not a coincidence. God has planned it for me.

Last weekend, I went for the Retret Penyembuhan Batin  at Kaingaran, Tambunan. It has been my ultimate desire to go here.  I'm a first timer here and before I went to this retreat, I've set my heart and mind that I would get the answers that I'm looking for.

Frankly speaking, I didn't really get my exact answers. But, God's grace is indeed amazing. I may not get the answers but God touch my heart in a different way, making me feel much calmer and less burden about this issue; to let God take over everything.

Thank you, God. 

Tuesday, January 26, 2016

Sunday, January 17, 2016

Chapter 1 - New Year Resolution

Still not to late to say , I guess - Happy New Year 2016!

Popular topic for each coming year is the New Year Resolution - Azam Baru. Then, there would also be this statement like, "New Year, New Me" but end up still stuck in the same 'Me'. Haha.

So my new year resolution, is not new me but actually to be able to find and recognize what God has planned for me. Last year, I felt so lost and hesitant up to the point that I almost give up. Hopefully, this year would enable me to see and get the answers to all the questions.

Taken  and translated from  today's Visionari - How to know the Lord's plan for me?

Recognizing and knowing Lord's plan is always and indeed difficult but He has given us few ways (from my point of view) to do it.

First and foremost, to pray with faith. In our prayer, we tend to ask for the Lord to guide us but we have never waited patiently for the answers. Even if we really did listen to the answers, it may be something that we would not be interested to do. Prayers would be better done together with reading the bible,  look for the statements that relates to you most.

Secondly, take a look at your surroundings and look for the one that would be able to inspire you. Read their stories.,talk to them, ask them for opinions, support and prayers.

You will know that you have done what God wants you to do if you can feel the peace,confidence, love and happiness in all your actions. There may be times that you still feel down or not sure if it's the right thing to do, but all in all, you just need to deliver everything unto Him. 

Thank you Lord!