I used to be fond of Lindsay Lohan and to be honest with you guys, deep down inside, I still do. *laugh*
Confession of a broken heart is one of her songs actually. I miss listening to her! ( I bought her first album and I have no idea where did I put it. hmm~)
Actually, I have no idea what to write on this entri. I just feel the urge to spill out some things which I still haven't figured out yet.
Okay, done thinking! :)
After series of 'neglect' incidents, I tend to not put hope nor high expectation on something. I know, it sounded weird and lame but it's just like a protective / defensive mechanism I have. In short, afraid of the outcomes.
I've been through those moments when I put my hope so much but it turns out to be not the way I wanted - it hurts and take some times for me to move on. I kinda, feeling tired and to be exact, not to expect again because I don't want to go through the same old path again.
But I did once again. This time, not that bad compare to the previous incidents ( previous incidents - still hurt a bit but it's okay). Plus, I've prepared myself a bit. :)
It's a little bit different this time. At first I wasn't expecting anything, but from my point of view, this so-called -thing always gives a positive response, so I was like maybe, I could count on this one. But, no. It's been a year and nothing changes. I always thought that there was something special, but it isn't. It's frustrating actually. I've been dropping so many hints and yet still left hanging.
I am done waiting. I have done enough. I will no longer held up my expectation for you, so-called-thing. Dear Lord, give me courage and stronger heart to deal with this. Amen.